How to Be Happy: Happiness Starts With You
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Are you struggling with how to be happy? Happiness starts with you, and you can change your life by borrowing this research-backed formula.
There are always points in life — specifically periods of significant change — when you must go back to the drawing board to figure out who you are and what you stand for. You may find yourself in a quarter or midlife crisis, suddenly wrestling with many of life's big questions.
When in the midst of this type of transformation, there are typically three obstacles preventing you from becoming the happiest person you know and designing a fulfilling life:
You haven’t created a purpose for your life or life’s work so have no clarity or focus.
You haven’t developed a sound process for realizing your purpose so have no direction or roadmap.
You haven’t made progress and are stuck because you can’t overcome self-limiting behaviors.
Undefined Purpose
At times, the lack of a clearly defined purpose can cast a fog over your path. Happiness is intricately linked to a sense of purpose and meaning. Without a clear understanding of what you stand for and what you want to achieve in your life, it becomes challenging to channel your energy and efforts in a meaningful direction. Creating a purpose for your life serves as the foundation for building a life that resonates with your values.
Lack of process
It's not merely enough to identify your purpose; an effective and purposeful process is crucial for translating your aspirations into reality. Without a roadmap or a well-defined approach, you might feel adrift, unsure of the steps to take towards your goals. Developing a sound process for realizing your purpose provides the guidance and structure needed to navigate the complexities of life. It serves as a compass, offering direction and clarity in the pursuit of your dreams.
Stagnant progress
Overcoming self-limiting behaviors is an integral aspect of the journey towards happiness. These behaviors, often rooted in fear or self-doubt, can act as roadblocks, hindering progress and personal growth. Recognizing and challenging these limiting beliefs is essential for breaking free from stagnation. Cultivating resilience and a growth mindset empowers you to overcome obstacles and make consistent progress towards your goals.
Rather than succumbing to the allure of arbitrary goals dictated by societal expectations, consider embracing the research-backed framework for enduring happiness we summarize below. This approach encourages a deliberate and introspective commitment to knowing yourself and defining what you truly want from life.
By addressing the obstacles above, you can pave the way for a more profound and sustainable sense of happiness. It's a journey that goes beyond fleeting pleasures, offering a resilient foundation for a fulfilling and purpose-driven life.
Happiness Formula
H = S + C + V is the scientific formula for enduring happiness developed by psychologist Martin Seligman and discussed in his book Authentic Happiness. Seligman and his colleagues founded Positive Psychology, a field of study with happiness at the core. Enduring happiness is different from momentary happiness as Seligman states:
Momentary happiness can easily be increased by any number of uplifts, such as chocolate, a comedy film, a back rub, a compliment, flowers, or a new blouse … No one is more of an expert on this topic than you are. The challenge is to raise your enduring level of happiness, and merely increasing the number of bursts of momentary positive feelings will not accomplish this.
— Martin Seligman, Positive Psychologist
Quick bursts of positive feelings won’t lead to the durable, substantive, long term happiness that Seligman is referring to. However, you have tools at your disposal to achieve enduring happiness (H):
understanding your set point (S)
influencing some circumstances (C)
exerting voluntary control (V)
Your set point (S) is a genetic predisposition for a specific level of enduring happiness. After most experiences in life, be they good or bad, you’ll revert back to this level. 50% of your happiness is determined by your set point. You can’t control it, but it’s useful to get a sense of what that level is so you can understand your overall disposition.
Circumstances (C) are external situations in life that you may or may not be able to control. Only 10% of your happiness is determined by this factor. When you can influence your circumstances you should, but this isn’t where the bulk of your effort should be spent.
Voluntary control (V) makes up 40% of happiness. It includes everything within your realm of power. Mostly it is your outlook, and this is where the majority of your effort should be allocated. In order to understand, influence, and exert energy in a way that has a positive effect on enduring happiness, you need to know how Self Concept plays into the formula.
Self Concept
There are three main elements of Self Concept, according to the framework developed by psychologist Carl Rogers in 1959:
Self Esteem — how much you value yourself
Self Image — how you see yourself
Ideal Self — what you’d like to be
If there is a mismatch between how you see yourself (e.g. your self image) and what you’d like to be (e.g. your ideal self ) then this is likely to affect how much you value yourself ... Where a person’s ideal self and actual experience are consistent or very similar, a state of congruence exists ... For a person to achieve self-actualization they must be in a state of congruence.
— Carl Rogers, American Psychologist
Self actualization is reaching your full potential (i.e. the epitome of thriving). Translating all of this into a more clarifying formula for happiness:
Self Esteem = Ideal Self — Self Image
Self Actualization = Self Esteem
Happiness = Self Actualization
Happiness = S + C + V = Self Actualization = Self Esteem
In other words, to be happy you must manage your external environment and internal outlook in ways that positively influence your self worth, and contribute to your ability to thrive. The personal development process focuses on making you aware of all the inputs that go into your happiness formula, so you are empowered to make adjustments for the better.
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Personal Development
The next logical question that follows is: what exactly can you do to improve your life so you can be happy? Another way to ask this, linking back to the happiness formula, is how can you improve your self-worth so you can thrive in life? You need a personal growth plan.
Philosophy
First, determine a philosophy for your life – an overarching belief system that not only gives you meaning but also help guide your decision-making. It can be religious-based (e.g. Christianity), borrowed from schools of philosophy (e.g. Stoicism) or a combination of different systems of thought. Whatever it is, it should be a firm foundation that you build your life path on. Without that as a base, you'll be like a ship without an anchor blowing wherever the wind takes you.
Establishing a philosophy for your life is akin to crafting a compass that guides your journey. It serves as the bedrock, grounding you in a set of beliefs that provide both meaning and direction. It not only informs your identity but also shapes your choices, ensuring that you navigate your path with intention rather than being adrift in the currents of circumstance.
Values
Once you have a high-level philosophy of life, this needs to be translated into a short set of core values. These are a bit more specific and granular — almost like a set of rules or standards of living. These are the collection of principles that help you make decisions on a daily basis.
While your philosophy provides a broad framework, your core values act as the intricate threads that weave the fabric of your daily life. These values are more than abstract ideals; they are practical guidelines, akin to a personal code of conduct.
They should help you navigate complexities with more ease by grounding your actions in principles that align with your overarching philosophy. In essence, values translate the grandeur of philosophy into tangible, actionable principles that shape your behavior.
Purpose
Now that you have a life philosophy and set of core values, you can craft a purpose for your life. You don't need to wait for some miraculous revelation, epiphany, or aha moment either. Reflecting on your desires and interests is the easiest way to build your purpose. Starting with your childhood until now, take inventory of all the different things you've naturally gravitated to so you can get a good sense of what matters most.
Crafting purpose requires you recognize patterns in your desires and interests. Your purpose will emerge from this examination, offering a clear sense of what you care about. Once you understand your intrinsic motivations, you’ll have a roadmap for your future aspirations and endeavors.
Themes
Your life purpose will clarify what you want, but you will still have to make conscious choices and changes to get there. Everyone has a wheel of life comprised of key themes like career, money, education, relationships, health, and interests. Ideally you want to work to make sure each of these areas are all in alignment with your life's purpose and support your newfound path.
While your purpose sets the stage, your themes will ensure you are making the necessary tweaks and adjustments to your life to actualize it. Moreover, by orchestrating harmony among these themes, you allow each to contribute to the symphony of your purpose-driven life.
Tactics
Your wheel of life will help you monitor your life themes, however you will still need a set of tactics that aid you in making the necessary changes. More specifically, monitoring and fine-tuning your life themes necessitate actionable strategies. Tactics are the practical ideas that facilitate the shift required for alignment.
The easiest way to find actionable ideas is to read books that you can borrow insights and mental models from. Reading is a powerful tool, serving as a wellspring of insights. By borrowing ideas from books, you equip yourself with a diverse kit of hands-on tools that enable you to sculpt the life of your dreams.
Just a warning that sometimes you'll try tactics that don’t work for you. That shouldn’t automatically compel you to change your philosophy or values. Try to stay true to what you want to live by unless there’s undeniable evidence that you are on the wrong track (hint: use your emotions as a compass).
The happiness formula combined with a personal development plan helps you overcome the most difficult step in closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be. Nevertheless the real work starts with a commitment to consistently prioritizing what matters.
Additional Resources
If you are struggling with how to be happy, then change your life right now by working through our research-backed happiness workbook.
Looking for a comprehensive lesson on how to be happy? Take the Power of Happiness course by a bestselling author and expert on the science of people.
Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience is a book by psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi that discusses a specific state of consciousness that may be key to true happiness.
How to Build a Life is a column by The Atlantic focused exclusively on advice to help you design a more happy and fulfilling life.
Authentic Happiness is a book by positive psychologist Martin Seligman that presents a science-backed formula for enduring happiness.
Ancient philosopher Seneca wrote a letter "On the Happy Life" that speaks about the core tenets of Stoicism and argues why they are central to a life worth living.
Ikigai is a little blue book that is surprisingly full of Japanese concepts that the authors deem as secrets to a long and happy life.
The Good Life is an easy-to-read guide that summarizes the lessons of another Stoic philosopher, Epictetus, who linked happiness to control.
The ability to retain a child-like sense of wonder can be instrumental to discovering and partaking in the joys of life.
If you are in need of an immediate pick-me-up, listen to this happiness playlist curated by Vogue France.
If you've never watched the iconic French film, Amelie, then you are missing out on a truly magical romantic comedy that is sure to delight.
The Flower Color Guide is a gorgeous reference book of over 400 different flowers, organized by color. Perusing it's pages will surely spark joy.
