The New Rules of Etiquette

We have evolved to be quite independent beings, yet we still live in societies that have to coordinate and cooperate. 

Modern humans are more independent than ever, yet we are still social creatures who depend on each other for survival, so we have to be able to get along. Etiquette is often reduced to being merely an upper class ritual that preps well-to-do adolescence for high society. But that's not actually what it is. 

The customary code of polite behavior in society or among members of a particular profession or group.

Oxford Dictionary 

Etiquette is our way, as civilized beings, of getting along with each other. It's a means of conforming to prevent the chaos that can ensue from extreme individualism. I have an irreverent streak and don't like overconformity, but I do appreciate etiquette. 

Walking on the right side of the street, waiting patiently in a queue, and saying excuse me when you disturb someone, are all little ways we make life more pleasant for each other. 

These all add up to a set of standards that have one significant benefit: they regulate societies. As people and societies evolve, so do these regulations. Many would argue that etiquette is declining. It's not, but there are a few new rules of conduct. 

Openminded 

Diversity and the connectivity of people who are different is a reality of the world we live in, whether you like it or not. Unless you are living in a cave, you will find yourself interacting with a variety of people who have belief systems and ways of thinking and acting that differ from your own. 

Integration is not new, but we have many more people of different races, religions, and socioeconomic backgrounds rubbing shoulders than ever before. You risk coming off as tone-deaf or insensitive if you aren't accepting of this modern dynamic in society. 

Central to open-mindedness is the ability to accept change. The world is moving at a fast pace, and society is progressing more swiftly than ever before. You have to align with the zeitgeist because if you push back on progress — social, political, or cultural — you'll end up being left behind. 

Observant 

In modern times there is a lot more mixing of individuals from different backgrounds and the ability to experience various cultures that one may not be familiar with. When you find yourself in a new environment or unfamiliar terrain, the most important thing you can do is observe others. 

Observation is a learned skill that helps you perceive the most appropriate way to act in a certain situation so that you can adjust or adapt, ideally in real-time. It requires that you not only pay attention to your surroundings but also cultivate respect for the new-to-you. 

Observation should be cultivated as one of a suite of emotional intelligence skills necessary for effectively navigating modern life. In some cases, real-time observation is not enough, and you may need to study cultural nuances and enhance certain social skills before interacting. 

Informal 

Modern society has become much more casual and easygoing. Rules of conduct, dress codes, formal titles, and other more rigid ways of interacting have all but become obsolete. I have mixed feelings about this. 

Though I prefer a more easygoing and unpretentious way of being in this world,  I also empathize with those who don't like just how relaxed things have become. There have been times when I've raised my eyebrows at certain standards that weren't being adhered to in the spirit of being laid-back (for instance, lack of dining etiquette at an elegant restaurant). 

Another way in which informality should be tempered is when it comes to the preservation of significant traditions. No, we shouldn't be subjected to old ways of doing things that no longer serve society, but some attempts at reforming or revolutionizing are extreme. 

All that said, it is the case that informality has become the standard in everyday living and it stands out more when someone tries to force conventions that are simply outdated.  

Present

These days, almost everything we do has a virtual aspect to it. We are always on our devices while driving, walking, talking, working, eating, and beyond. Sometimes it feels that we've become digital zombies because we are so caught up in the virtual world.

Though our virtual reality is here to stay, it is important to be conscious of its shortcomings, especially during personal interactions. If you are at dinner or having any in-person encounter, put your phone away unless it is 100% necessary to have it out. 

If you are on a call or participating in a virtual meeting, please silence alerts and pay attention to the conversation at hand instead of browsing or doing something else online. As it is obvious when you aren't.  

Additionally, being online does not give you the freedom to behave in an absurd way. Some people, when shielded by anonymity, act inconsiderate or downright crude. Yet, they would never have the audacity to act this way if their identity were known. No one gets a free pass for that type of behavior just because it's online. 

These are just a few of the many ways in which etiquette has evolved to catch up with modernization. The world is progressing so fast that the key trait we all need to continue getting along with each other is flexibility.