Dear Viveura: When There’s Chemistry, But No Compatibility
Source: Cosmos
We explore the emotional dilemma of chemistry without compatibility, specifically why physical attraction isn't enough and how to handle energetic entanglements.
There’s a peculiar kind of temptation that arises not when something is new, but when something old tries to find its way back in. It often starts innocently—a message from someone you once shared intense chemistry with. The connection was magnetic, the attraction undeniable. But despite the spark, you ended things because compatibility was lacking.
Maybe their lifestyle didn’t align with yours. Maybe they couldn’t rise to meet your vision. Maybe they simply weren’t on your level in the ways that matter most: maturity, ambition, refinement. Clearly, there was a mismatch in love languages. So you let go. You moved on. Gracefully.
And then, months later, they reappear. Not to rise to the occasion. But to stir up the embers. To tell you they still think about you, still feel your energy, even though they’re now in a new relationship. They tell you they’re trying to “restrain themselves.” They hint at reigniting the flame—but only partially, and only if you’re willing to entertain it.
It’s confusing. And if you’re not grounded, it’s emotionally draining. We explore how to navigate energetic entanglements that often result from sparks not rooted in substance.
Dear Viveura
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The Situation Summarized
You made a very empowered decision to end a liaison with someone who didn’t meet your standards across key areas of life, including:
Lifestyle mismatch
Values disconnect
Maturity gap
You weren’t cruel. You gave clarity and closure. And even when you ended things, you were gracious about it. That speaks to your emotional intelligence and integrity.
Then here he comes again, months later—not to offer what you want nor meet you on your level—but to stir up connection while conveniently mentioning he's now in a new relationship. That’s not friendship. That’s a self-serving disruption masked as emotional vulnerability. Classic breadcrumbing.
What’s Actually Happening
Let’s call it what it is:
Emotional leakage: This person hasn’t fully let go of you and is using your energy to soothe themselves instead of facing their emotions or showing up maturely in their current relationship.
Energetic triangulation: Whether consciously or not, they’re trying to keep you energetically tethered. It’s a power play—a way to feel validated by having access to two people at once.
Gaslighting: When you name what’s happening, they downplay it, implying you’re imagining things or making a big deal out of nothing. This is not innocence; it’s a lack of accountability.
This behavior is not love. It’s performative and driven by ego. Do you have time for it? No.
Not surprisingly, Psychology Today notes that situationships rarely transform into lasting love. Without emotional safety or aligned intentions, what begins as chemistry often dissolves into confusion, and leaves one or both people adrift in ambiguity, rather than anchored in connection.
Though we’d hesitate to call it a “situationship” which diminishes what it was. Look at it as having had a lover — a mutual connection that was lovely while it lasted but ended when it no longer served you. Appreciate it for what it was, but don't get pulled back into something you've already released with gratitude unless you see a clear benefit.
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Your Current Dilemma
His resurgence has rekindled a physical spark, and that’s totally normal. You’re human. Though you aren't confusing lust for love, chemistry doesn’t evaporate with logic. But here’s the catch: attraction without alignment is an energetic trap.
He’s already proven:
He can’t meet you at your level and doesn’t add value
He’ll disrespect boundaries (and maybe even cheat) when it suits him
He’ll suggest intimacy without giving you substance
So ask yourself:
What part of me is still tempted? Is it desire, nostalgia, or something deeper I haven't yet named?
Am I really drawn to this person, or just the temporary physical impulse they could satiate?
Does this connection align with the life I’m creating, what I want, and who I’m becoming?
What would indulging this truly offer me—and what might it quietly cost?
What to Do Instead
Master the art of transmutation—the alchemical act of turning energetic chaos into personal power.
Close the loop. Dignified and definitively. No open tabs. No casual check-ins. No justifications. If it’s energetically messy, it’s not meant for your elegant life.
Reclaim your energy. You don’t owe anyone continued access to you, especially when they’ve proven they can’t meet you in reciprocity.
Channel the desire elsewhere. That renewed spark? Use it to glow up:
Write something sultry or brilliant.
Move your body—dance, lift, walk, sculpt.
Create beauty in your space or routine.
Magnetize what you do want with clarity, not confusion.
Let this be evidence of your evolution. The old you might have been intrigued. The current you sees toxic behavior and bows out, not with drama, but with discernment.
Some people miss you not because they love you, but because you were a mirror to a version of themselves they couldn’t grow into. Let that be their lesson—not your distraction. Embrace your feminine energy, because you are the prize. And you don’t entertain immaturity and half-hearted intentions.
