Why Embracing Failure is the Secret to Success
Everyone loves learning about the so-called secrets to success, but failure is the more fascinating study.
If failure can be defined as the inability to make things go exactly as planned, then my life fits that description perfectly. I fail every single day. I'm a spectacular failure who doesn't even have the wherewithal to expect anything from her life. I expect nothing because my expectations have rarely been met.
Every day I would wake up with an idea of how the day would go, and every day it would never go as expected. Not one day in my life has ever gone as planned, so I became a double failure and decided to become a lady of leisure, and stopped expecting anything at all.
Embrace Failure
But something magical happened when I let go of expectations. I started shifting into feminine energy and focusing on what I could control instead. My standards are my self-concept, a fixation on what matters most to me, and investment in the values I hold dear. I noticed that it's difficult to control external factors, but I can step into my power by setting and honoring my internal standards. I can control my thoughts, and subsequently my own feelings and actions.
Embracing failure set the stage for success in my life because it unveiled the key to overcoming barriers to achieving my desires. To be clear, I succeed because I fail. I'm who I am and where I am because I persist in a growth mindset despite what life presents.
Yes, it's a delusional way of navigating life. I've gotten to the point where I don't bother expecting much out of life at all, I simply stay true to my standards and life ultimately unfolds in a way that serves me. My needs are met and desires fulfilled, almost never in the exact way envisioned but always in a way that works out incredibly well for me — in a way that aligns with my standards.
So setting standards, instead of having expectations, is the key to failure while simultaneously being the secret to success. The only thing separating you from success is your inability to fail. Let's dive deeper into what that means.
Set Standards
Think of standards as a set of ideals that establish the minimum acceptable quality of life that you've determined for yourself. They are the objective and measurable values that are under your control. Standards reflect the manner of thinking, feeling, and acting that you deem suitable.
I like to set high standards that serve as a benchmark for what's worthy in my life. My standards act as a barometer for excellence, and continually inspire personal growth as I aspire to meet or exceed them. Moreover, clear standards provide a framework for making decisions. They help me to evaluate options and make choices that align with my values and desires.
On the other hand, expectations are beliefs about what you think should happen in the future. Unlike standards, expectations are often based on assumptions and often are outside your control. They are subjective and can lead to disappointment if not met.
You may notice that unmet expectations make you bitter. There are so many people who waste their energy complaining about should'ves, could'ves, and would'ves. All this does is taint your mentality, creating a barrier between you and the life you desire.
Just Be
My desires have slowly started to evolve from being about material things to embodying a state of being. Of course, there are and will always be tangible things that I want. Yet expectations fixate you on specific things, while standards focus you on the state you actually want to achieve through those things.
I deeply value beauty, creativity, and simplicity. These are three of a few core principles that shape my standards. When I put more focus on the values themselves, I open myself up to all the different ways that they can manifest in my life. With this mindset, life is constantly a beautiful surprise and filled with unexpected delights.
Expectations put limitations on you by declaring: if life doesn't happen exactly the way you've determined it should, then you will not be happy. It's a dreadful way to live because it is out of sync with the dynamic nature of the world we live in.
The universe is an ever-changing creative force that we don't fully understand. None of us know how we got here or what happens when we depart. And we are completely powerless to control the cycles of life.
But we seem to have the ability to control ourselves, especially our mindset, which impacts how we perceive the world. Our thoughts and perceptions shape the way we experience the world, so that should be where we expend most of our time and energy.
