Dealing With Doubt
If you frequently have thoughts of despair and lingering feelings of doubt about your ability to succeed, here’s how to overcome them.
This isn't working. That's the single penetrating thought that loves to take up camp in the back of my mind at whim. It especially loves to arrive at the break of day. As a morning person, I’m often up before the chirping birds and the rising sun. And nothing is more defeating than starting a beautiful day with paralyzing feelings of fear and uncertainty.
In my entire life — and this is no exaggeration — I have never harbored the kind of doubt that I do now that I live on my own terms. And the doubt is not unfounded because the risks of my unique lifestyle are indeed high. So ignoring reality doesn't work.
Does this sound anything like you? You’ve decided to invest in yourself or your ideas. You’ve dedicated your life to a clear purpose. You’re committed, but the stakes are high. You may not immediately see the fruit of your labor, and you don’t always know what to do.
I’m not a personal growth guru and can’t guarantee you’ll see success if you follow a particular path. I don't know your situation, nor can I predict your future. I also won’t tell you that thoughts of doubt will go away if you do achieve success because they don’t (they actually grow as you become more successful).
So my solution (which may be unpopular but is probably more honest than the trendy advice on this topic) is to learn to sit with your doubt. Below, l pose a series of questions that will help you coexist with the inevitable deep-set doubt that every nonconformist experiences.
What is your truth?
What is one thing you are confident in your ability to hold fast to, no matter what? Mine is: I will never ever go back to working full-time in an office again. You may be thinking, never say never, but I feel such an aversion to everything that an “office job” represents that, at least right now, it is my truth.
As a free spirit, a formal office setting feels like a soul-crushing assault on the core principles I live by. I value freedom, and I can’t accept that as a backup plan. So no matter the doubts that arise, I’m not compelled to quit.
Because quitting (i.e., giving up my current lifestyle) means going back to an office job, and I will fight hard to avoid that at all costs. Short of acting unethically, I’d do just about anything not to subject myself to that way of living and working again.
Now, this is just me. You may have an entirely different outlook on office jobs. The point is that you need something that you are just as equally passionate about to design your life around — and stick with.
You need an absolute that allows you to face your doubt with resolve. Not a positive affirmation that you half-heartedly believe in, but a declaration that quiets the negative rumination because your unconscious knows you are not playing games.
So take a moment right now and write your absolute — that one big thing that fuels your inner drive. Your absolute will stir up passion, and passion begets resilience. You need a healthy dose of resilience to keep doing what you want to do when everyone and everything around you (including your own thoughts) are telling you to stop.
What can you do today?
As a strategist, I’m often thinking months and years ahead. But in the depths of doubt, worrying about timelines does nothing but evoke more feelings of despair. You can’t control what tomorrow will bring, but you can control this moment. So let’s narrow the scope to a more manageable period of time: today.
Just for today, I will not worry
Just for today, I will not be angry
Just for today, I will be grateful
Just for today, I will do my work honestly
Just for today, I will be kind to every living thing
The above principles are tenets of the Reiki philosophy. What stands out to me is “just for today.” You can do it, just for today. You can be it, just for today. Just for today, you can stop fretting about the destination and enjoy the journey. Just for today, you can do your work with intention and conviction. Just for today, you can put 110% into focusing on what matters.
I’m not the person I thought I would be five years ago. My life has unfolded in ways I’ve never imagined. And even with a strategic mind, I know better than to try and predict exactly what life will be five years from now.
Nevertheless, I’ve thrived despite many false starts, setbacks and misdirections. The nagging voice is often wrong, and if I always heeded its advice, I wouldn’t be where I am now. This, too, is the mindset you must have.
Doubt is rooted in assumptions about the future. And unless you are a prophet, you aren't qualified to foresee what is to come. So just for today, stay present and concern yourself with today’s work. Then tomorrow, repeat if you can.
What’s the root of your disbelief?
Take a moment and reflect on the internal dialogue that accompanies your doubt. My assumption is that you replay a script that is full of one-liners, such as:
This isn't working (my favorite)
I’m terrible at this
I don’t know what to do
This is so hard
I’m stuck
I’m confused
It’s never going to happen
This isn't going anywhere
I should have never started this
The next time you are caught in a loop with these negative thoughts floating around your head, I invite you to interject with a question: why do I think that?
Why do I think this isn’t working?
Why do I think I’m terrible at this?
Why do I think this isn't going anywhere?
Another way you can ask it is: how do I know?
How do I know this isn’t working?
How do I know I’m terrible at this?
How do I know this isn't going anywhere?
It is likely that you are unconsciously comparing yourself to some standard of success you’ve adopted from someone else — and the doubt kicks in when you’ve determined that you fall short of someone else’s standard.
When you reframe your one-liners from declarations to interrogative self-inquiry, it’ll gently interrupt that cynical cycle and help reveal where these thoughts are coming from. Shifting statements to questions will help you uncover this standard, and once you do the next question is: should that be my standard?
What is going well?
Finally, when curled up in the corner somewhere, sulking because things have not materialized the way you wished they would, pull out my secret weapon. Think about good things, such as:
Something that went well in the last month
Something that excites you about your work
Something that catapulted you forward
Some small or big win you recently had
I’m confident you can identify just one thing that has gone well. That one good thing is your lifeline because it shifts your mentality from grim to grateful. This elevated state of thankfulness will inspire you, and inspiration will motivate you to create.
If you can bring yourself back to a creative flow state, you’ll be in a better position to find solutions to your problems and see a way forward when previously the path seemed blocked. Your creative flow is the place where you feel present, confident and optimistic.
So when in doubt, dwell on the good. The more good you think of, the more good you will feel energized to bring about, and the more apt you are to slip into creative flow, which is where you’ll perform at your best.
